Spiderman Swinging at at the IC Towers

There has been much speculation that the IC Towers may be home to an array of superheroes--a sort of superhero headquarters of sorts.

Here is rare footage of Spiderman captured swinging across the East Tower. As you know, Spidey has an affinity for tall buildings.

Sing Us a Song to a Spiderman...

So I have been receiving many messages, asking who is Spiderman.

Well, watch this video rendition and find out!

Ace of Diamonds

From the streets to on the page, Spiderman is now being featured on giant-sized playing cards. You better watch out villains because he's the ace of diamonds. He's a smart cookie, if you ask me, and guarding my bedroom door.

A Spiderman Thanksgiving: A new twist to an American classic

For all you out there enjoying your Thanksgiving meals, praying for home and hearth, family and friends over globs of stuffing and mashed potatoes and oven-baked pumpkin pie, be thankful for this: Spiderman.

If he wasn't out there web-slinging and crime-fighting, you can expect a lot more than a fly in your soup (or in this case, a spider in your turkey).

So in this season of thanks, be sure to thank your friendly local Spiderman.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Spiderman at Cortaca

Peeling the Layers of Sports

Sports always seems to have people reeling. There's something about sports that just gets people fired up, to the point which there have been new video games* and movies* broadening on America's seemingly favorite past-time. Football fits into the category of pointless past-times, yet they succeed in drawing benches of viewers, sitting in the sub-zero temperatures, bundled in layers and layers and layers and layers of under-armer, sweaters, coats and scarves. However, there must be some kernel of reasoning that draws this viewers forward, freezing in the stands at Cortaca (the match between Cortland and Ithaca--one of the most rivaled teams in history).

Well, do you want to know what I think? Well, under the layer of football and alcohol and the general mirage of entertainment, there lies a secret. What? You want to know what it is? Well...if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret, would it?

Okay.

Alright.

If you insist.

SPIDERMAN WILL BE AT CORTACA!!!!

Okay, so I said it.

You want to know how I know?

My Spidey-sense is tingling. No, but I actually do have a logical equation to show you my reasoning.

Let me show you this equation:

Football + General Drunkness --> Violence + Crime --> Superheroes = Spiderman

It's a simple equation to balance, is it not?

So why are the Cortaca tickets all sold out? Well, everyone loves a hero right. And if the masses will be there, so will Spiderman.

Signing Out,

Your Secret Spidey-Reporter

DISCLAIMER: The Onion is not a reputable new-source and I do not condone use of The Onion or Wikepedia. The usage of this material is to subliminally show that how The Daily Bugle works. I hold no accountability if you disbelieve the truth. For more information, check Wikipedia.

Bad Reporting

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure you read about it already. After all, it was front page news on The Bugle today. Sources Say That Spidey Supporters Spin Lies.

Well, for all you nay-sayers out there, you're wrong. Supporters don't spin lies. In fact, I talked to Elaine Overs (she's the woman who fell from the twenty-story building when Spidey swung to her rescue), and she said that Spidey saved her...well, unless a man in tight red spandex, swinging from buildings isn't Spider-Man.

I guess what really irks me about this isn't the clear falsehoods. No--it's the bad reporting.

Did Bugle reporters bother talking to the victim? No. As quoted, from The Bugle, "The victim, Elaine Overs, 22, a theater student at NYU, declined comment."

Okay, let's say that's true for a moment. So the girl declined comment. Then why did she talk to me?

And what about this sentence for The Bugle: "Witnesses say that they saw Spider-Man grab her from mid-air, however, police say that it is more likely that Spider-Man is the culprit."

"'I think Spider-Man pushed her from the building," said Officer B. A. Ware. "Spider-Man is dangerous."

Don't they teach you anything in Libel 101? Isn't that a class that journalists have to take? Never, Never, NEVER publish anything without fact-checking. And NEVER publish anything that is knowingly false. Why not? So you don't get your butts sued for libel!

Seriously, what happened to good old journalism? What happened to the objective re-creation of reality. I thought The Daily Bugle was a little better than Fox News. After all, truth is the most fundamental principle to journalism. I mean, I understand that this whole laying off workers business and the climbing unemployment rate may have people a little short staffed--to the point where they start hiring me to freelance minimum wage. But, that's no excuse for lousy journalism. For Christ's sake, the Dow is up, people!

I guess, it just disappoints me. I mean, if we can't trust the press--the almighty Fourth Estate--for something as simple as the truth, what can we trust?

And just for the record, I would take Glenn Beck and Fox News over the The Daily Bugle any day. At least I know where they stand.

An Introduction If You Must

I can't tell you who I am. I'm sorry. But I just can't do that. Spiderman would kill me if he knew who I was. And kept revealing his very secret hidden locations on the World Wide Web. There's no telling what rascal or villain is out there reading this. I am just writing in hopes that you might be a secret Spidey supporter as well. You are, aren't you?

Well, I suppose I can tell you few things about me. I work for The Daily Bugle. Yes, I am quite aware of the non-Spidey-friendly stance of the paper, but it's a job, right? Even as more and more reporters are being laid off and the economy is tanking, one has to make a living right? I'm a freelancer if you must know.

What? You thought that I liked getting dirt on Spiderman and working for The Daily Bugle? God no, I couldn't stand working with Jonah Jameson full time! Are you kidding me? Oh, don't tell my Boss I said that! Please! But as for dirt on Spiderman, that's what I'm doing right now, aren't I? Reporting Spidey sightings live from the city of Ithaca.

Well, what do you want to know?